Two months later

So my apologies for taking so long in between posts...I know this will seem like a simple leap to you, clicking from one post to the next, but I wish I had taken more time to document life with you as we grow.

Tonight we performed the Debbie Downer skit at XR, fun and good to be back there among other strong Christians. As I type, we are in the middle of figuring out where to go to church and I'm really seeking God in this area. I need to hear His voice, and I need to make sure I take us to a place where we can both grow under God's hand and use our gifts to glorify Him. To an extent, that'll be one of my first acts as spiritual leader in our relationship, so I'm not taking it lightly.

Catching up...ok, dress shopping was nutty. By the time you read this, we'll be done with the wedding, you'll have looked beautiful...duh...and we'll be beginning our life together as a married couple. Ha, ha...you're Nicole Ray right now. :)

Anyway, it was interesting seeing you in all these beautiful dresses and seeing how it wasn't that the dresses made you looked beautiful, but that you made the dresses look beautiful. I am constantly amazed by both your beauty and your radiance, both inside and out. I love your energy, how you light up the room and you are almost always this consistently positive person trying to pull your friends up. I love that about you.

What else has happened? I think we'll have eaten cheesecake at the wedding by now...mmm, cheesecake. Let's go to Cheesecake Factory right now. I mean it. Projecting into the future, I think you should find me wherever I am when you're reading this and drag me to get cheesecake. Love you.

We also finally have colors, you peacock loving woman. I have no doubt our day will be amazing and beautiful and if you think peacock eyes staring at us will help that happen, then I trust you. We also got two great ideas for our wedding. One, the red carpet idea is awesome and we got it at the wedding show this past weekend. The other, the Playbills for programs, was an epiphany given you in the middle of Jon's talk tonight about relational intelligence...I'm glad you were paying such close attention. :-P

And I just found out that I can probably graduate this year. Sweeeeeet. I can't wait to be able to go get a job and provide for us. It makes my heart warm and I can't wait to see you smile and hear you squeal the day I come home and tell you "I got the job." I want it now. Give me my fast forward button.

Other news...having the talk with our folks tomorrow about maybe moving in their house. I know, I know, it's not the greatest place on earth--that would be Disney World--but I think that if we do do it that we'll help pay your Dad back in a way for being so generous with the wedding and will be able to prepare better for moving into a new place together. And if it doesn't happen? Oh well. No big whoop.

That's about all. Oh, I'm starting a new blog which hopefully will have been up and running for a while by the time you read this. We're going to Combat Theatre on Saturday and getting the result of our marriage test on Sunday. I bet it says I'm awesome and need to work on nothing. :D

I love you, I miss you, and I can;t wait until I get to wake up in your arms, morning breath and all.

Post-Hawaii

So you went away across the country and reality set in--this is real and it is fast and everyone else telling us what to do is madness. So we're slowing down and taking the reins of our wedding and our life. I meant what I've told you, that the only thing that truly matters to me that day is that we will go to bed as man and wife. God will make it happen, I have no doubt.

We had a really good date night last night with Danielle and Randy, too-expensive good Turkish food followed by slowdown, quality time spent with you in my arms. And I love these nights and I miss them. We need to commit more to us and I think we're taking the right steps to do that. I know there will be even more of an adjustment after we're married, but I know that God has a long reach and His hand is on our hearts--binding them together.

I want you to know that even when there is fear in this, when the prospect of life together looms large, that I feel the presence and peace of God on our love and as He makes this love more perfect that it will cast out all fear. You are my beloved and my blessing, a gift and a girl who makes my heart jump and smile like no other. I look at you, whether in ridiculously hot red dresses or worn sweat pants and know that there is no one else I'd rather be on this journey with, no one else I'd rather share my life with. You are mine and I love you.

I want you to know that even amidst the tears and the arguments we have that no part of my soul ever aches to be anywhere else. If I didn't think we were worth it, it wouldn't be worth fighting for. And if I didn't think you were meant to be my wife, I wouldn't be willing to lay down my life for yours in loving service to you. I am your protector and your hero, the man who will walk in front of you into our battles and by your side, hand wrapped around yours into yours. We will struggle. We will fall down. And I will love you through it all, always rising after the storms and pulling you up with me. My life for your life, my love for your love, my heart for your heart. I will smile for lifetimes having you in my arms.

Meet the Parents

October 1

The rain keeps hammering on my window and all I can think of now is how I should have dragged you out into it and kissed you. I miss you, having you near me and your being in my arms.

Tonight our parents met, this going much better than I think you anticipated. For that, I'm grateful. My Mom got us a picture frame that I'm going to tell you soon that we should put our engagement photos in once we get them.

Today is a Thursday. I haven't seen you since Sunday, so this makes this the longest stretch of not seeing you since we got engaged. My heart misses you as does my body. I long for you, burn for you, want to be able to gaze into your eyes for hours on end, to see your smile every moment because it melts me every time. I am soooooo in love with you. I am in love with your laugh, and how it moves through your whole body and then lights up the room. I am in love with your eyes, how they can show me love in a one second stare or shut me down from across the room. I am in love with your hands, criss-crossed in mine for always.

I am in love with every part of you because every part of you makes you who you are. I love you wholly and that will never change, only grow. I can't wait to start this journey with you, my love.

Hawaii

I haven't been writing you as much, mired in homework and wedding work and far too many plans. I apologize because you need to be my priority.

You left this morning for Hawaii, far too much luggage but I'm not shocked by this. ;) I miss you already, like a piece of my heart is empty with you so far away. My hope is that you can rest and relax and enjoy your time away, that it renews your soul and spirit. My love will be with you and will grow more before you return.

Last night, at Alex's wedding, you requested that the bumbling DJ play our song, which he did. And I commented to you that the next time we dance to that song will probably be at our wedding, and you got your predictable, deer-in-headlights look. But I love that that's true, and I imagine that as our day draws nearer that I will think of many things and know that the next time I do them, we will be wed.

The next time I see 4th of July fireworks, we will probably be halfway across the country in each others arms, you my bride and me your groom. The next time fall rolls around, we will be living together, you cooking for me every night like a good domestic lady. :D Just kidding. I cannot wait to begin those little moments--our first Christmas as husband and wife, our first Valentine's and birthdays, our first child, our first house. So many firsts with you, so many special moments to share with you. You will always be my most special treasure and I will love you the rest of my life.

Have fun in Hawaii, darling--your first real vacation alone. Think of all the firsts, all the moments we will share. Aloha to you love. :)

Sick

You are sick today, your back aggravating you and nausea riding through you. I hate that you're in pain, wish I could take it on myself and leave you pain-free, if but for a day. I want to take it all away, wish I could protect you from pain.

But I can't, so what do I do? I pray for you, give you into the hands of one greater who can heal you and restore you. His hands can hold you more than mine can. And I bend over backwards if I can to help you if even for a minute. I love you and I am your helper as much as you are mine.

You told me yesterday that there was something I had to do before you would marry me--bring you flowers at work. And I did it without your prodding or asking, further confirmation that God know what both of us need to come together and to stand solid in Him in this.

Any test put before us, we have passed, in His strength and by His love in us for one another. I trust in you and I believe in us.

So you are sick, but you will get better, and I cannot wait to see you at the other end of the aisle, walking to me. By the time you read this, you will be my bride. That idea makes my heart smile.

Sunday Sunday

Your back was acting up this morning in church and right now, you're napping before dinner with Dave and Jodie.

I've realized that I need to step up for you a little bit. You are the most precious, beautiful thing in my life and I want you to see my heart, want to make you feel special every day for the rest of your life. Every day, I want you to wake up and go to bed feeling loved and appreciated for the gift you are to me.

I've been praying about you for years and God has had you set aside for me since time began. You are mine and I am yours, and I will love you with all I have. I want to have your hands in mine every time you feel scared or hurt or down. I want my arms around you to protect you and watch over you and to love you always. You are my blessing and my heart, my love.

I want every kiss I give you to reflect the love I have for you, every hug I give you to hold every piece of my heart that beats for you in it. I want to lay down my life for you as my wife and I want us together to pursue what God has for us. There is a plan and a purpose in this and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us. Thank you for being you, for being exactly what I need and for completing me. I want to love you for always.

Photographs

Today I wrote you a skit for XR and you set up a meeting for Tuesday for us to meet with a photographer. I looked for the past through days through album after album of other people's weddings and saw not one bride who even holds a candle to you.

You are the most beautiful girl in the world to me, your bright blue eyes that can catch me across the room and I'll be able to look into them every day for the rest of my life. Somewhere inside of me is a little man called love and he runs around in there, doing flips and cartwheels at thoughts of you. And when I see you, he starts jumping up and down, and it's like butterflies all over again because I cannot believe that this beautiful, amazing girl is mine. I cannot believe that my arms are her home, that her heart beats in tune with mine, that her love is for me and that she thinks I am a blessing.

You are my heart and don't you ever forget it.